we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
