ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im holly from the hills drunk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
