Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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