i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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