atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
