I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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