If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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