so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
