You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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