I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The struggles of a small town man whore
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
