so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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