also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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