Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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