"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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