R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
