so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
