yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
