his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
