dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
