Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
