Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
