I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
