at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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