Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
why is half of my head shaved?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
