Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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