4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
