Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
