remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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