this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
