Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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