Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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