Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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