White coat. Heels.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
