Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
