Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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