Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
