There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize