he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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