you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
