I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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