we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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