New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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