Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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