you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
