Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
