I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
