I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
