The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize