the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
