Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
