The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
