Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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