I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
