I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
