I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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