The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
