you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
