So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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