I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
