We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
