when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
