I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
