When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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