Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
