He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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