Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
