woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
